The Unknown Girl

I was told she had been informed on the same day.


His mobile was with Govind, my cousin who was there in the hospital. Later Govind told me she used to give miss calls during those hours unaware of the situation. When everything was over and the frequency of her miss calls increased, Govind decided to convey the most difficult thing. The very moment her call came in, Govind picked up the call. She just asked for my brother. “He met with an accident on his way back from office to home. It’s disturbing and sad news”, Govind spit the truth.

He couldn’t hear anything from the other end. It was only a beep sound. She had disconnected the call. Govind didn’t know what to do. Govind was little relieved, even though in despair. At least he let her know about the tragedy, with lots of guts.

But he was wrong. The mobile got miss calls now and then. And that was from the very same number. No body had the courage to pick up the call. Even me!

Later in the night I just surfed through the mobile. I was just curious to know about his contacts. Among them saw her name. Her name featured in all his lists: missed, received and dialled lists. He never had mentioned about her to me. Slowly, there in deep of my minds, a frame was getting shaped of this unknown girl.

Who is she? I wondered, an old friend of my brother?

Maybe!

One thing is sure. She will be having a good relationship with him. Or else why would she give continuous missed calls even though she is aware of the brutal fact that had dawned into all of us. She might be his school mate. I doubt. He was very shy. He never was free while talking to his school friends who were girls. That is what I remember. Neither did he converse much with cousin sisters too. He was very reserved. And if it is from his class I should know her. There is only a little chance for this option.

She might be his colleague. There are chances. I don’t know any one of them. And the banking firm he got into is one of the leading firms in India. They got lots of fresh faces too. Someone from his office; I found this one to be most logical. But again its only four months he is into the firm. How can he develop such a deep relation with her in such a short span of time? Or actually he had?

My thoughts were diversifying. I was getting no clue.

Who is she? Was she just a friend? Or was she a girl friend of his? Someone he used to date with. Or someone, whom, one fine day he will show to me and say, “brother, this is the one.” Or some relation more than all these, which is beyond my understandings? Who knows?

The least thing I can do is to pray for her, to realise the fact that she too is bereaved.She once knew my brother, cared for him and loved him. That is what matters.

Let she find her peace, somehow!

You Have Got A Message !!

“You have got a message”




He jumped from his couch to check the mobile that was kept for charging. On the screen there was a new message awaiting symbol blinking at him, as if, someone was winking his eyes in a naughty manner. Passing on a smile he quickly opened his inbox.


‘Music on demand: 10000 songs, non-stop music! Dial………..’


It didn’t take him much time to throw that message in his trash box, and within a fraction of second his face turned into a shrivelled flower. He checked his inbox once again. His fingers immediately ran into the ‘sent’ folder and he checked all the messages he had sent to her. He verified the recipient number too and assured himself that he had not messed up with the right number.


She might be in roaming area and her ‘about-to-finish’ balance in her pre-paid account will be the reason for the delayed replies, he tried to make up his mind. More over she will be busy with her daily chores and office, he affirmed himself. But still deep inside somewhere he was missing her presence. He was missing her love. He was missing the long talks they used to have earlier. He missed the divinity of the sister-brother relationship they used to nurture.


*********************************************************************************


“She took a new connection few days ago”, his brother said on phone. Rest of the words bounced over his head. He muttered something in a jiffy and hung up the phone. He didn’t want to buy that statement. He felt dizzy. Why should he? Consoled him self. Even if she has got a new number she might have been too busy to message him and inform. She is new in the town and very to new to her phase of job-life. She might have missed to inform. That don’t mean she won’t be missing him. That don’t mean she might not be remembering him.


He smiled to himself. At times he over reacts. What if even she hasn’t messaged him? The relationship that had once developed is definitely going to die. The distance is hardly going to create a gap. He smiled to himself. He laughed at himself for his wild thoughts. It’s not all about messages and mails. Life is like that. You are too busy engaged in your own chores and life, hardly sparing you times to blink your mind for others. But that doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. Expressing the love or not showing it doesn’t mean an absence of it. It’s only that it doesn’t show off much.
He took a deep breath. He felt happy for convincing himself.


***********************************************************************************


“You have got a message”


His face bloomed. In a flurry he took the car to the side track: Switched on the parking light. Took the mobile from his pocket and dived into the inbox. “ Your approximate unbilled usage as on 12-01-2008 is Rs.1451.75 INR(Excluding monthly roaming charges and discounts) The last day for bill payment is 18-01-2008 – Airtel”. He didn’t feel like deleting the message. He had lots of them by now. Closing his mobile he let the parking light off and put the first gear.


“She might be busy”, he thought.

Everything Together..!!

I was searching him. Just two minutes back only he was here.


It was very vivid that he cant bear the weight of grief that had grown up disproportionately since yesterday morning. I saw his mother crying out loudly taking his brothers name and calling him back. I saw his sisters sobbing in a corner. I saw his paternal aunties breaking down once the body was brought back from the hospital. I saw almost everyone shedding out tears for his brother. But he didn’t sprinkle even one drop of tear.
Yeah, his eyes had become watery. His eyes were so red as if it was a hot charcoal. What an irony! A red hot charcoal covered with a pool of tears. His whole face was swelled but he didn’t drop a tear. I could sense his feelings when I sat besides him near his brother’s corpse. I could see him staring at his brothers body lying there covered with garlands kept as a gesture of condolences, but he never cried. I could feel the presence of a dam of emotions and grief ready to explode due to the excess load its carrying.

There were his aunties, sisters, uncles, friends, brothers, neighbours lamenting and mourning. The whole atmosphere was filled with sounds of suffocating whispers and smell of tears that everyone had shed. Nothing affected him. Neither he looked at anyone nor did he utter anything. He completed all the last rights for his brother. He did everything so religiously so that his brother’s soul gets peace and a nice departure from this world.


All these came back to my thoughts. The whole day came back and flashbacked in my brain. I was still searching for him. I don’t know whether I was worried. I knew where he could be at this point of time. I send my cousin to find him over there. Two minutes passed. Five more minutes passed. He didn’t turn up. I panicked. Without informing anyone I went myself in search for them to that place. That place, where my both brothers used to have a puff of cigarette together, after the dinner. That place, where they used to talk about their friends, girls, used to argue about silly things, laugh on one-liner jokes and funny incidents. I strode towards that room with thousands of thoughts and worries over ruling my inner conscience.


The moment I neared that room I found my cousin sitting, giving a support to his chin with his hands. For a second my breath stopped. Then, gasping, I asked him what happened. He looked into my eyes. I could see nothing but sadness in his eyes. Through gestures he asked me not to utter a single word and showed me the way to the room. The same room where I expected my brother would be present.


I peeped into the room slowly. There he was lying down his eyes closed, but in a position staring at something. I advanced more and found the most emotional scene I had ever seen ever in my life. He was holding a photo frame in which they both were sitting and smiling. And another one of their school times was kept close to his heart and covered with his hand. I lost all the strength. Oh God, what an examination? I could feel my body melting. I know how much I try I cant replace the loss that’s happened to him.




He lost his twin brother with whom he shared a womb for nine months, quarrelled and cried for the breast milk his mother would share, with whom he came to this world for the first time, with whom he had done all those home works while studying , with whom he had played cricket, with whom he had mischievously stolen the sweets his mother had kept safe, with whom he had shared his first crush, with whom he had competed for marks in progress reports, with whom he had fought for the television programme he wanted to watch, with whom he tried the taste of cigarette and coughed the hell out of his heart, with whom he had the experience of having chilled beer for the first time, with whom he had shared his career agonies, with whom he had confided many and many things.


The truth was stinking. The fact was bruising me like a ferocious predator pawing on his prey. I was bleeding internally. After a moment, silently came out the room.


Later when we were on bed, I stared at him. I felt he wanted to share a lot with someone. And I was lying down there helplessly.


I just hugged him, hugged him very tightly. He was deep asleep. I closed my eyes. And my hands were tight on him.

Perspective...

Everyone have their own perspective regarding each and every matter in this world. Some may chord well in their perspectives and some others may not. Who is right and who is wrong; nobody can say that. One of the main things in having a perspective is our own confidence in what we believe.


We cannot expect everyone in this world concord with us nor differ with us. One thing which we believe is right may be wrong to someone. Someone may criticize us for something we do or say and yet some others will be full of applause. Whatever the situation is there is no need to be neither complaisant nor dejected.


We can see many people not daring to express themselves in front of others fearing getting belabored by others. Yeah, it’s a fact that human beings yearn for plaudits. But in this world, consisting of innumerable ilks of people, we can’t expect everyone to praise us.


Last week I went through an article. It explains very well how everyone’s perspective is so different from others and everyone will be right according to their own point of view. The passage is as follows


Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them rides on the donkey? “Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw
it and commented, "The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.


Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman." The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders.


It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.


This story really depicts the need for being clear with one’s conscience. One should be very confident about his conscience irrespective of the number of people who concord with you or differ with you. Learn from others mistakes and, take guidance and frame your own perspectives. Then the only thing left is to trust yourself and your conscience. Definitely, peace will be yours…..

Circus.....

“Lets go for circus.” when he said that she couldn’t believe. She sat like that only. Didn’t raise her head nor did react. She knew he was trying to cheer her up. It’s almost two weeks that she expressed her desire to watch the circus. He not only discarded the plea but got irritated blaming it to be a silly thing to do.


“Circus is meant for kids” he first said. He never was ready to come out of his prejudistic notions.

She could very well remember that day. It was really very hectic day for her and in the evening when he came she told him about her friends had been visited the new circus in town. She was ten when she went to see the circus for the first time. That day she really was in heaven seeing all horses, elephants and monkeys doing various tricks and playing games. When she saw dogs playing soccer inside the ring she couldn’t help anything but to keep her eyes wide open. The intermittent entry by the jokers made her laugh like anything. All she told to him. He was listening to her. She thought this is a chance


“Shall we go this weekend?” she waited for his reply. He didn’t say anything. He was looking at the traffic on road and thinking something. Normally he don’t like keeping on asking something. That she knows very well. But since she was very much excited about the circus she dared to ask again.


“I asked something. Can we?” He looked at her. “It’s for kids. And not only that I don’t have time too.” He turned his face towards the street back. “But….” She didn’t complete. He gave a stare that stopped her tongue from throwing anymore comments. She knows he is getting irritated. She had hoped for this kind of behavior only. She is also like that. Keeps on asking him every time.


It’s almost a week back. Now she can’t believe actually he had asked her whether to go for the circus. She had cleared the wish that day itself when he answered back with a cold stare.


“Are you serious?” She asked with a tincture of disbelief. He was standing in aloof. Yesterday they had a big argument followed by a fight on phone. She knew he will do something to make up with her. She expected a hot cup of coffee in the coffee shop or just fried Jilebi from the road side stall. He knew her tastes. Bu this question was totally unexpected. “Are you?” She repeated. He didn’t look at her. He never does when he does things like this. It seems he never want to show he cares for her. He kick started the bike and looked at her with a covering smile. She couldn’t stop her laughter. She sat on the bike. “Let’s go.”


She was still laughing. And that’s what he wanted also.

Sreeju...

I had stopped blogging once i had to prioritize certain things. Now Am coming back to blogging. Everyone ho read my logs, commented on them, apreciated through mails-a heartfelt sorry to discontinue them.Hope i can continue this blogging a lot more fresh this time.And my dear blog friends,hope to enjoy your blogs..


So te first blog of this year,I am going t start with a birthday greetings.I am dedicating this write-up to my dear friend SREEJU.


One person who befriended with me so fast. If am right I met got introduced to her when I was in third year celebrating traditional day in DY. She was one year junior to me. What first caught my attention is that she spoke Malayalam so fluently and with the proper Native accent to me that I couldn’t believe she was brought up in Pune. All my other mallu friends who are brought up in Pune used to stammer when spoke in Malayalam.


Second thing I want to write is her 'bindas' attitude. We were 'reading hall' mates during our study leaves. Apart from other girls whom I know, she never used to crib on study matters. She never used to take extra tensions for results, but always tried her best during those eleventh hour studies..Girl..Way to go! I think she will never forget those days. And am happy she is now having a good time with her Job. Those canteen chats and corridor talks with her in the group were something I wish would repeat again and again.


Another quality of hers I wish to share is her hospitality and grace. I was a regular at her place and she and her mom every time treated us with mouth watering chicken dishes and all. And those ‘samosas’ and ‘vadapavs’ we used to have from the shop near to her place were yummy but only less to her charm.


Another quality is her smiling face. I think I haven’t met a person who always mix with any kind of people and always keeps on chortling in the group. She is so enthu that I really enjoyed organizing events like Sangamam with Her. She is a true sport friend. And the care she gives. If I want to lean on some1 for help am sure who should it be.


Anyways not writing anything more since its becoming like an essay. Am really happy to be her friend and really cherishes her friendship. Wishing her all happiness in this world and hope she realizes her dreams-even the minutest to the mightiest- in coming days. Happy Birthday Sreeju!!!

Wise sayings...

There wont he even a single person in this world who hasn’t used an adage in his talks.
There wont be a single person who hasn’t heard it from others.
In short, aphorisms are part of human beings as are food and shelter.


Though all of us are aware of such proverbs, its origin is not vivid.
Whoever made them, had the intension to inspire fellow beings or motivate them or guide them. When taken one adage at a time for a situation is advisable. But one thing I have noticed is that some of them contradict with some others.


The best example is ‘Look before you leap’ and ‘one who hesitates is lost’
Both of them, when used separately put forward a cautious warning. But a person knowing both the proverbs can find himself befuddled. So a clever person can conclude ‘Look before you leap but don’t hesitate.’


Another one I came across is ‘The more, the merrier’ and ‘Two’s company, three’s crowd’. What should one infer from these two. Maybe three will be the criteria for ‘more’. We may redefine it as ‘Two’s company, three’s crowd and more than three, the merrier.’ Yeah, now it sounds perfect.


The same confusion arises when it comes to the famous adage, always heard, ‘Life is what you make it’. We can find a contradicting one to it. ‘What will be, will be.’ Now this is something I really get pissed off. Those who believe in destiny go for the second and those who don’t, opt the first one. So sometimes wise sayings becomes conditional. Yeah, I repeat, conditional.


People who come across the famous dictum ‘A silent man is a wise one’ is surely going to get confused when he will hear someone say ‘A man without words is a man without thoughts.’ So a silence is presence of no words. Does that mean a wise man is of no thoughts. Definitely not! Again these phrases are conditional. A silent man is a wise one when he chooses to remain silent from arguments with foolish people. But always remaining silent doesn’t make him wise, but thoughtless.


It’s really fun to see lot of pairs like these. So the only way to escape from all these confusions is, I dare to conjecture, is to follow these idioms individually applying it to the perfect situation you are into. Not blindly following it every time.


Last but not least just check these two epigrams.
‘Action speaks louder than words’
‘The pen is mightier than the sword’
Confused? There are more, many more.

Love...

Love


One of the complicated things in this world, yet the most sought thing. Nobody would actually prefer to define that labyrinthine mesh, but only to love and be loved.


What is love? I don’t think anyone in this world can give a widely accepted answer for that. It’s defined in a numerous way.


Where is love? The answer can be given in a single word. Everywhere.
Love is there when two people hold their hands and share their lives.
Love is there when mother holds a newborn baby in her hand.
Love is there when a father sees his kid in hands of nurse when she brings out her-him from the labor room.
Love is where when a brother keeps the half of his toffee for his kid sister.
Love is where when a sister keeps on worrying for her brother’s safe return after the party, late night.
Love is there when a boss peacefully makes his sub-ordinate understands where he had gone wrong and feels elated when he corrects it.
Love is there when a friend accompanies you in silence when you are down, during your solitude.
Love is there when your consort hugs you when you try to eke all adversities and try to perform all your onus.
Love is there when you help a blind woman desisting to cross a heavy traffic road due to fear.
Love is there when you pat a stranger who looks very down, just for the sake of bolstering him.


I would like to share something on the 'nature of love'. I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me. Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with a little water and held it before me, and said this: "You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love."


This was how I saw it : "As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers around it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds. This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love...they try to posses it, they demand, they expect... and just like the water spilling out of your hand, Love will retrieve from you.


For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. If there is people you love, allow them to be free beings. Give and don't expect. Advise, but don't order. Ask, but never demand. It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to truly practice. It is the secret to true love. To truly practice it, you must sincerely feel no expectations from those who you love, and yet an unconditional caring."


- SWAMI VIVEKANANDA

Roles..

Woke up in the morning. Got a hot cup of coffee from his inamorata. “Good morning, dear” A perfect hubby rose within him. Came down-stairs. Picked up newspaper and ran through headlines. Came his grandfather. The grandson in him passed those front pages to him with reverence.

After finishing his reading, in fact skimming, he got ready to jog. Before he got out, his jog-company came. “Good morning bro” Started jogging with her, now being a good brother. Half-a- hour. Panting came both back home. He had a hot bath in a quick and went to the kid’s room. Pulling those blankets, he woke up those kids. “Get up and get fresh sweeties” A loving father he became.

Switching to BBC’s, CNN’s and NDTV’s he started his breakfast. He loves his mom’s hot ghee dosa’s. “Ma, one more roasted”, he said. An affectionate son he was then. His uncle joined him on table. “What’s hot today?” uncle enquired. “Dosa’s and few political imbroglio’s” the nephew in him tried to sound funny.

“Where are my socks?” lamented an annoyed husband. Finding it himself he passed a flying kiss to his wife who came running. Came to the porch. “Sunil, get the car” a serious, yet a casual boss. Reached the office in fifteen minutes. Some wished their boss and many others greeted their colleague. In his cabin; went through all appointments. After an hour, attended a meeting with some business executives who had a visit over there. Few hours of talks, and then concluding them with some deals like a clear-cut professional.

Work hours ended. Got back home and got fresh. Kids are back from school and had done with home works. An outing with family to attend his best friend’s marriage anniversary. Gifted a tight hug and wished him a long married and happy life. Had a long talk with his dude friend with a sip of booze. Went through all those sunny college days. A friend in him was awake. Flashing through those good old days, both were enjoying a lot.

Reached back home before midnight. Just before entering gate, saw his neighbor and their family returning from somewhere. The polite neighbor in him waved his hands towards them. As soon as they entered, they realized the phone ringing. He went and picked up the call. It was from America. His brother and his family. His nephews were happy to talk with their uncle though they talk almost alternate days. Their mom also had talks with this adorable brother-in-law. After all chats he went for a chilled shower and then to sleep. He was tired at the end.

What all roles one has to play in our daily life….
Its very true somebody had said, “Life is a drama and we the actors”

Three Rings...

Got up and sat on the bed itself. Sunrays were peeking into the room. She tried to remember yesterday’s night. It was raining heavily and thunders. Wore the slippers and came downstairs. Papa and mamma busy with their works, sometimes giving furious stares to each other. Belligerent atmosphere. Sister, sitting on sofa, hold a book and daydreaming. Television was on, and some news channel on it.

She went to bathroom. Had a brush. Freed her from the claws of her cloths. Looked in the mirror. Her well toned body. She moved her fingers whole over. ‘But for what?’ She thought. When the soul is dead why the need of a body? Took a quick shower. Drops fell on her and the chill pierced her body. Dried herself and came out. A Zephyr breezed through the windows. She never felt the bliss as she used to.

Came to the dining hall. Dad and sis were already there, but muted. Mamma kept the breakfast on the table. Dad asked for the tea. “Did you send the money to my mom yesterday?” Dad said something, mom continued and dad…… She got peeved. Looked her sister. Gazing to the hot bread, she never took any tensions. Her face read she is stronger. It took only seconds. Some sound of breaking. Dad skedaddled in a hurry. Mamma continued her work with tears on her eyes.

Why the hell tears? Marriage comprises of three rings-engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering. The joke lingered her thoughts, which someone had joked. Don’t know about the first two rings but yes, the third one it does exist. She stared at the plate her father had left out, filled. It again started raining, heavily.