Tuesday, November 4

Unplanned Trip...


His mother was throbbing her chest heavily. Her voiced cracked while conversed on phone. After the first call she dialed his father’s number, then someone and then someone else and he could feel her voice very dampened. He didn’t understand anything but realized there was something to worry. He tried to prod his mother to tell what happened but all in vain. Maybe a six year old is not supposed to know that.

In half an hours time his father reached back at home. He had never seen him so early from office other than for his birthdays. By the time his mother had wrapped herself in some old Sari of hers. There were no traits of make ups on her face this time and he wondered how the hell in such a less time she got ready to go out. He don’t remember even one instance where his father hadn’t had waited for his mother to get ready for an outing.

“What about me. I am also coming.” He tried to get in with their plan. His mother looked at him helplessly; her eyes read and teary and her nose leaking a bit. The kerchief she used was almost wet and she started to use the tip of her saree too.

“No you are not coming. Play with your grandfather and grandmother”, his father quipped. Following that, came a pat of grandmother which irritated him. He loves to be with his old grandfather who got his white mustache polished everyday, every minute: but not today. He wanted to be with his mother. But what a six year old child can do. ‘This world is that of elders’ he thought.

After some five hours they came back. He asked where they had gone. Mom didn’t say much. She went to the bathroom. Her face was swelled upon. Again, this is the first time that his mother didn’t plant a kiss after coming back from an outing. He felt bad for his cheeks. He looked up to his father. He was there talking to the elders in a very hushed voice. He remembers his father doing talks in a hushed voice whenever he wanted to give any surprise to anyone; and always it flopped big time. A smile creaked for a second and he got a feeling there is some surprise in store.

“What happened, Papa?” He went near to his father and tried to stand on his feet. He always loves doing that. His father got long legs and it is always a fun to stand on his feet cuddling his legs. He could feel his father’s long fingers passing through his silky hair. He looked up his father’s face.

“My Superman”, his father started, “your sister Priya went for a trip. She didn’t even tell anyone of us. We don’t know why she went but now you won’t have her around you to play with. She won’t be there to play ‘hide and seek’ or ‘snake ladder’ and sing rhymes to you.

She was his best sister, his maternal aunt’s daughter. Long hair, wide smile, soft cheeks, magical fingers, lengthy skirts, golden nose ring, red bangles on her both hands; he used to love her presence. She used to make him sleep in peace at nights whenever she was here. But those things won’t be there anymore. That is what his father says to him. “But why?” he asked again and again. “She might be angry with us or may be she don’t love us.” By saying that, his father got up and headed to the bedroom.

He sat there only. Where would have she gone? With whom she might have gone? Why she hadn't told anyone before going? When is she going to return back? Or where should we go to meet her again?
-->And what is this ‘suicide’ thing which he overheard his father saying to his grand father? He stood there thinking.

76 comments:

Chriz said...

suicide... when my classmate did it seven years back, i understood the pain one can get....


this story was well written.. i first thought that the little one's parents are gonna divorce.. but later found that u have something else in store.. nice way of writing..

Thoorika said...

Very well written.. was not able to guess what the situtaion was till the end.. !!

lukkydivz said...

but his parents returned in half an hour's time? :O

sawan said...

u made my eyes wet! ive seen people walking out of my life, out of this world! i wish they stayed :-(

Smita said...

She meets an accident????

You have left so many questions unanswered but so deftly put across a view....the story kind of reminds me of Accident by Danielle Steel...one lie and the life changes for everyone...

Phoenix said...

i never belived in suicides.. i never understood why they did it.. but i came very close to one... so i know... the desperation to escape the given situation can take a toll...enough to give up on life... and i abhor it...

How do we know said...

OMG! This is the best piece of fiction prose that i have read in a LONG LONG time.
This rocks!

Cinderella. said...

Mesmerizing !!!

totally loved it !!
:)

Heart'n'Soul said...

very well delivered

the impact is tremendous since u have used a 6 yr old kids POV... but i guess the question one has in mind after sum1 does domething so drastic.. are pretty much the same.

Simply Brilliant!!!

•♥•♥[V]♥•♥• said...

liked it...kudos..

Vinz aka Vinu said...

@chriz,

thanks for the compliments...but why i am happy is somebody could relate to the pain that word inflicts on people...

a dreadful , painful thing actually..

:(

Vinz aka Vinu said...

@thoorika,

thank you thoorika...i think the character also was not able to judge..

:)

Vinz aka Vinu said...

@divya,

no yaar...i think u got it wrong..it was his dad who reached back home after half an hours time...
after they went to the spot, it was after five hours they reached...

:)

Vinz aka Vinu said...

@sawan,

my intention was not to make u cry..but to highlight the cruel side of 'suicide..

:)

Vinz aka Vinu said...

@smita,

i know..and actually i was not interested to get those answers..
just wanted to portray the pain of that character that was followed after the act of 'suicide'

:)

Vinz aka Vinu said...

@phoenix,

coming close to one..!! thats painful..i know..its an easy solution to get out of problems..but those who are left living are the sufferers... i too abhor that..!!

:)

Vinz aka Vinu said...

@how do we know,

thanks friend..
thanks for dropping by..
do keep visiting..

:)

Vinz aka Vinu said...

@cinderella,

great you liked it..
from ur last comment in an old post i thought i lost a good reader..!!
happy u are back here..!!

:)

Vinz aka Vinu said...

@Divya,

yeah, and i actually wanted to portray from a kids point of view...when they dont know what 'death' is its difficult for them to digest something like 'siucide'

and as u said, lots of questions arise after this act..but i guess, no one got a proper answer..

:(

Vinz aka Vinu said...

Vicky,

thanks mate...!!

:)

vimmuuu said...

Applause! Applause ! Great read, Vinu. Somehow I felt the story has a real life experience linked to it. Lovvved it!

Cess said...

that is sad, coming from a naive 6 years old is even more touchy, i thought u will let us imagine what happened to that girl, did she died from cancer or get killed or left the family? But only one word can make lots of sense, specially when a member of ur family took the same path...
higher expectations on this one :)
C.

Priya Joyce said...

Hmmm suicide..!!!!

as sad as it..

I didn't know that this was the end wen I started reading it...

With twists and turns..The end was sad but cheers to ur way of writing..

Arv said...

wow... I enjoyed this mate... flowed well... Sad ending but well captured :)

keep rocking dude...

have a nice day... cheers...

Think Tank said...

brilliantly done

Vinz aka Vinu said...

@vimal,

thanks mate...
yeah,all my creations will definitely have a tincture of real life experience inspiration...!!

:)

Vinz aka Vinu said...

@cess,

yeah very true..its more hurting when something of this sort happens to us in our own family..
i was doubtful how to go about a six yr old's experience, but i think it was pretty much convincing..!!

:)

Vinz aka Vinu said...

@priya,

more than my writing, i am happy that my readers like you could relate to the story...!!

:)

Vinz aka Vinu said...

@arv,

thnx mate...
rock ur time..!!

:)

Vinz aka Vinu said...

@think tank,

thanks a lot..
:)

Kiran Sawhney said...

Children- they understand little and they understand a lot. Sad.

Chakoli said...

Eeehhh!!

Suicide... somehow never ever cud support it... how big mistake u commit...

But nice story... especially as a child mentality :D

Swats said...

wow Vinz...yet another piece of gr8 work frm u :)
keep up the gr8 work..
but u cud have extended the story :)

ANWESA said...

the viewpoint of 6 year old did spin magic,but i think u havnt done complete justice to dat character..a fresh read but...

Shoe Girl said...

**Long hair, wide smile, soft cheeks, magical fingers, lengthy skirts, golden nose ring, red bangles on her both hands; he used to love her presence.** sums up about a girl from childs eye...so simple...yet so beautiful...

Beautifully written.

Vinz aka Vinu said...

@kiran,

:)
sad or at times gud..!

:)

Vinz aka Vinu said...

@chakoli,

no body can justify this act, i am sure..!!

:)

Vinz aka Vinu said...

@swats,

yeah, i know...
but then i thought to keep it short..i thought let the readers imagination fly in whichever direction they want...!!

:)

Vinz aka Vinu said...

@anwesa,

mmm...i dont know...i thought i did justice to him..afterall he is only six..!!

:)

Vinz aka Vinu said...

@shoe girl,

ho girl, am happy someone noted it atleast..

;)

thanks for the comment...!!

WarmSunshine said...

Hi Vinu

This one's nicely written. Sorry I haven't been around much!

Innocent lil 6-year-old, you portrayed the child well :) Nice flow, frnd. I liked it! :)

Mehreen.

Bhai with Chai said...

suicide...??..din c that comin..
disturbing actually if u look at it from the eyes of a 6 yr old..

wel written yet again!

Pri said...

liked the innocence u tried to reflect in the post :)

Oxy said...

So u left it to the readers to guess what might have happened...Hmmm...

τ ħ€ ĐάЎđяёάmёя said...

touching......I almost cried...

Oxy said...

I did comment... I came to check your reply to my comment and I do not see my comment.... Why O Why U did not approve my comment...

Reeta said...

Simply Superb. Really u should try ur hand at some script writing... !!

Keshi said...

This is why I tell that only Vinu can get into the shoes of any character when expressing it so well...including a 6yr old's.

Loved it tho it was a true tearjerker.

Suicide brought back some very dark memories of an October afternoon in my life...


Keshi.

Hemanth Potluri said...

ooh god i am late curse me now :P...vinz..awesome piece :)...just have teary eyes wen passed through it :)..suicide i dont really like it but loved the way u gave us the descp ..:)..

rock it man..

urs..hemu..

D said...

Lots of unanswered questions remain in the reader's head just at they remain in the child's head in the story.

Dawn....सेहर said...

Nice write up I must say where you are driving the readers think in all possible ways :) but for me suicide is cowardly act and I hate that!
Keep writing
Cheers,

CяŷştąŁ said...

Matlab mere blog ko toh bhoole hi pade ho,huh! :x

Suicide..yeah..I wrote a story on it once.
You probably read it..

The description was pretty fascinating..
One of your good pieces..

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

That was so well narrated!You sure know how to set the pace :)

I was expecting the worst and it did happen.Sigh :(

mayz said...

hey smthn awaits u on my 100th post :)

Dawn....सेहर said...

Happy Thanks Giving...hope to hear from you soon on post ;)
Cheers

rantravereflect/ jane said...

dangggg..
loved the end, but loved teh way ya've made the story seep through the eyes of a six year old..
a child is extremely observant!
n ya've depicted his emotions so very well..

suicide is difficult- i still wonder how people get there!

loved it vinu:D

Vinod R Iyer said...

I m with the kid ... What is this suicide thing everyone is talking about ??!

Keshi said...

I hope all is well with ya Vinu? TC!

Keshi.

lukkydivz said...

Happy birthday vinu :) where are u :O

vimmuuu said...

You have been awarded:

http://vimalsparadise.blogspot.com/2008/12/couldnt-come-up-with-title.html

Divya said...

nicely drafted. couldn't predict the ending at all.

Oxy said...

There is something for you here: http://blessed-curse.blogspot.com/2008/12/time-to-show-off.html

vimmuuu said...

I already awarded you here, kandille???

http://vimalsparadise.blogspot.com/2008/12/couldnt-come-up-with-title.html

CяŷştąŁ said...

UPDATE!

Zubin said...

you write so well man..expressions..flow throughout.. :)

Devika said...

Hi Vinu!

Long time since i have been here..
You have not been posting too..

Just one that I missed..But you never came to me too..

so, where are you now? what would have happened to you...Like the end of the last story, i wonder :))

now I reached here from Anwesha's -- I had almost lost my way to my friends...they are all in the arhives..and I literally have no time to check the archives...

anyway, hope to see you back soon

wishes,
devika

vimmuuu said...

Where are you man ? Did the aliens actually appear and abduct you?

Anyway, I have something interesting for you here :

http://vimalsparadise.blogspot.com/2008/12/best-mallu-wins.html

alphabetworld said...

Amazing story!

Chriz said...

where r u bro?

tinkerbell said...

amazing... suicide huh !! painful..

chandni said...

fantastic!

Devika said...

Hello Vinu,

where in the world are you, dear?

Come back, Come back..don't be slow :))

wishes,
devika

Vinz aka Vinu said...

Vimal,

Thanks for the Comments..
Thanks for the awards and ur mention of my name in your blog too...

i will be back soon..

:)

Vinz aka Vinu said...

Cess,

Yeah, definitely there is a sad touch to it..

thank you..

Pooja said...

dat was so touchin'...comin' 4m d point of view of a 6 year old made it so effective...

Thoorika said...

Kaha gayab ho gaye?!!!!