Saturday, June 25

A Conversation with..........

Just woke up and sat in my bed. I was feeling very light-weighted. I felt like someone lifting me. I looked down. Yes indeed, am flying. My body was down there on my bed. Sound asleep. I looked up. Stars were twinkling at me. Clouds passed. I could feel them. Then came a bright hole. I was thrown into it.

Suddenly I came to a big hall with no floor. All the four walls were decorated with flowers. I could hear birds chirping.

In a minute an image came. I was trying to look at his face. But cant see anything. In fact it was leading to infinity. Only I could see is a broad smile. He had worn a red color robe, my favorite one. He or she? I couldn’t recognize. An image. That’s what I found in front me.

“Where am I?” I asked. It seemed to me as heaven.

“You have come to a hall from where GOD decides where you to go. Heaven or hell.” The image answered calmly.

“I don’t believe in GOD.” I said arrogantly.

“Then in what you believe.” it sounded very calm and undisturbed.

“I believe only in a mighty power which is the creator of everything. It doesn’t have any name or identity.” I answered back.

“Am I dead” I didn’t want to. I was anxious.

“No, not yet. Your time haven’t come” He {or she or it?} came nearer to me. Still I couldn’t see anything but only an image. Maybe this will be the almighty power in which I believe.

“Then why am here?” I couldn’t resist my doubt come out.

“I know you are suffering from many problems. I wanted you to share it with me”

“But you are the almighty power which is supposed to know everything before me saying.” I think I was in a fighting mood. No surprise. For the past two months I have been like this.

“I know it. But I want you to share with me. Sharing is the only way to vent out your feelings. If sorrow it reduces and if joy it doubles.” Same old philosophies! “I know all these. Please don’t preach. It’s very easy to preach. Even I try to do that with others. But to implement it is very hard. I came to know when I faced those situations. Huh! Sharing divides the sorrow…all crap...” I was getting furious.
“What is your problem? You got such a nice family. You have a wide range of friends. Lots of intimate friends who love you more than you do.” He touched my face. He or she? I will call ‘HE’. His fingers gently covered my cheeks. I love that feeling. Maybe he knows it. It gives a feeling of being cared. Or can say a feeling of getting protection.

I couldn’t see how his hands looked like. But yeah, it was there on my cheeks. I was able to feel it.

“I can understand your feelings. You feel no one understands your thoughts. When you share also you never feel anyone understands. Am I right?” He was absolutely right. He knows everything about me. Then why need all this drama? Why should I speak out? Why can’t he give ready answers for my sufferings?

“I want you to share it with me. I never give solution. But few options to choose from. Its you who have to choose from them.” He said as if he read my mind.

“I have lots of problems in my life. Related to my education, my future, my family, my friends, what to say nowadays in whatever I think. I am not able to give the love others are giving me. No one understands me. Neither I am happy nor are they. I sometimes feel like worthless.”

“You are the one who created the universe, who created emotions, who created senses, who created everything. Why all these imbalances in life? Why some people suffer while others enjoy. Wherever I look, I look injustice. People suffering without doing any harm, some others still going smooth with their life even if they goes against emotions and good deeds.” I was not in a mood to stop. I felt like asking him everything and make him justify.

“Child, I will show you something” Still he was so calm.

I didn’t look up. I know he will start preaching. I hate preaching. And I hate someone calling me child. It gives a feeling of lack of maturity.

“We have to balance our lives and do our deeds. That’s why I have sent you to earth so that you complete your tasks and come back to me in one lifetime. For everything I have to create a balance. That is a mystic rule I have to follow. That’s why I had to create hatred, ego, jealousy, enmity and all with love, care, friendship and all. But these all are options. It’s all up to you to choose from them. Those who do the right choice, suffer no more. Their life is enlightened and will be back with me. Happy forever. But those who do the wrong deeds are never called back. They might be happy over there. But after their lifetime they are again send back for their misdeeds to complete there pending life tasks. To complete your karma”

“All these things I know. This is what I believe in. This is what makes me go. But at times I get frustrated. Seeing things happening in my life I get a feeling that whatever I believe in is wrong. I can’t see my friends or family suffering. I can’t see myself suffering.” I was tired. My voice was low.

“I will show you something. I feel you are ready.” He again asked. I looked at him.

He touched my hand. My eyes were drooping. I went to some other place. The atmosphere was filled with smell of blood. I could see a father killing his daughter, a mother being raped in front of her children, a kid working in minefield, people starving, being robbed, heated fights, people cheating their closed ones, lots of trickeries and what all. I closed my eyes. I was sweating. “Get out me from here”, I was shouting. In a moment I was back to that decorated hall.

“Child, this is what I am seeing daily. A thousand times magnified version. I should get more frustrated than you. But I know whoever does all these are going to stay there only, till they get their share of punishment and repent for what they had done. Its how nature balances things.”

“But how do you stay calm seeing all these”, I was startled. My blood was still boiling seeing all those crimes. “I will show you”, his gentle words somewhat relieved me. He again touched my hand. In a flash I went to another world.

I could see a mother breast-feeding her kid. How calmly that kid was lying on her lap with her hand support. I saw a father writing letter to a distant daughter who went for studies, saw a sister trying to tease her brother, their fight and then share of hugs and kisses, saw a pair of couple holding each others hands and being within themselves, saw a grandmother teaching her grandchildren to cook, a boy happy reporting to his parents about the award he won, a gentleman getting down from his luxurious car and offering help to an orphanage, a lady helping an elder person to cross the road amidst a heavy traffic, thousands of smiling faces and what all. I wished I could run to them and join them in their happiness.

“How are you feeling?” I looked around. I am back to that hall. In front of me was the same image. I looked at him. “I see a thousand times magnified version of these every second. Are you still wondering how I am not frustrated?” I was numb in front of him.

“But I can’t see all these. Then how can I remain not getting frustrated? I don’t have your super abilities to watch all these. No one understands me or no one loves me the way I want.”

He smiled. He offered me one more trip. This time I moved my hand in front in a position that he could hold my hands. He again smiled and touched my hands. I was taken to another world. I was surprised. It’s my world. I could see my parents sleeping. I could see them dreaming about me. I saw my siblings. They were talking to their friends about me. I saw my colleagues who were confiding to their dear ones about the beautiful relationship they are having with me, I saw my friends enjoying my company. Then I saw my friends with whom I fought yesterday night not being able to sleep well, getting up intermittently and thinking about me. My eyes were wet. I hate to cry. Men never cry. But my eyes were wet. I closed my eyes. I don’t want anyone to see my tears rolling down. I shut my eyes tightly. He was whispering on my ears, “Child, there are lots of people who loves you, who wants you to be happy, who wants you to make them happy. Who shed tears for you without your knowing, who have sleepless nights without your knowing, who pray for your well being without your knowledge, who wants to place a kiss on your cheeks, who wants to hug you and show their love. There are much more than sufferings in your life. Get back to them. Don’t think about those who had hurt you. There are people who love you more than you do them. Don’t cry for lost relationships. But be happy, you got a bunch of dear ones whose love, if showered all together, you cant handle.”

It was silent. No more voice came. I opened my eyes. I was lying down in my bed. I got up and sat on my chair. I saw a dream. No. It was not a dream. I didn’t want to believe it was a dream. All those images were still running in my mind. All those who love me were smiling at me in my mind. I laughed at myself for yesterdays fight with my friend and felt bad that I have hurt them. Sorry friends. Sorry my family. I realize I am one among the luckiest one to get you all. And I promise I will do care not to hurt anyone.
Thinking of everyone I loved I went to sleep again. With a joyous mind and soul.

4 comments:

Amit said...

Vinu

I think am gonna be a regular in your site..Was it something really happened with you or ur imagination worked out?..Hope everybody realises what you had realised that early morning..

Amit

anija said...

If u hv actually realised what u hv written then i know u will never be depressed from now.but if u hv written just for the sake of an article then boy its high time u realise that how wonderful it is to make our lives lead by that imagination .

bhadra said...

y did u insist that i go thru this particular article vinu.?
who z tht frnd of urs who spends sleepless nights,tosses and turns in bed nt being able 2 catch a wink of the sleep,gets up intermittently,waits 4 a call or may b a misd call tht informs abt ur well being...u r lucky,there z just nt a single frnd who doez it but there r many of them (as u rightly mentioned the plural form)........finally, am immensely happy 2 know that u r gonna b more cheerfrul than b4 as u ve realized the worth of ur intimate relationships.....

bhawana kapoor said...

thanks for writing this one.